Sally opened her credit card statement and saw big a big charge on it she didn’t recognize. She then called her credit card company.
“This is Tara,” said the customer service representative. “How can I assist you?”
“There is a charge on my card that I don’t recognize,” said Sally. “It is from Moped. The charge is in the amount of $899.”
“I see that you have a joint account,” said the customer service representative. “Did you authorize another person to use this card?”
“I guess I’ll check that out with my boyfriend,” said Sally. “We live together. Goodbye.”
Sally hung up the phone. After she hung up John, her live in boyfriend came walking through the door.
“Do you know about this charge on our credit card in the amount of $899?” asked Sally.
“Oh, yeah,” replied John. “I bought a Moped.”
“You what?” asked Sally. “Why would you want to do something as stupid as that? What are you going to use a Moped for?”
“Oh, to ride up and down the block with it,” said John. “I like to feel the sunshine.”
“I figured that much,” said Sally. “We’ve already got two cars. Do you like pouring money down the drain? This is the shirt off both of our backs. Why did you do this? Do you realize I have to pay for this too? You should put it on your own plastic.” Why did I ever for the life of me decide to have a joint account with anyone, she thinks.
“It was just so pretty, red and shiny. I couldn’t resist it,” replied John.
“Well, let’s see you resist this,” said Sally. And she balled up her hand in a fist to punch John in the face. He grabbed her hand away.
“Return the little piece of crap,” demanded Sally.
John said nothing and started to walk away like Sally wasn’t even there. He sat down in his favorite chair with his newspaper and switched on the TV.
Sally stood where she was and crunched herself up, lifting up both her shoulders exasperated and let out a a-woof! She walked over to John. “Not to mention it but couldn’t you get yourself killed on that Moped? Isn’t it just like a motorcycle?” she asked.
John looked up lazily from his paper. “It is except it can’t go very fast,” he replied. As a matter of fact, it is a paddle bike like a bicycle. You have to push the paddles around like a bicycle to move it.”
“Ridiculous!” exclaimed Sally. “How are we going to keep paying the mortgage if you’re going to be buying things that cost $900 just so that you can get some sunshine?”
John did not answer. He’s engrossed in his paper not paying any attention to Sally.
“Since you won’t return the Moped, I don’t care if you have to eat nothing but spaghetti and meat balls every day for the next six months to pay for this because I’m not!” Sally screamed out.
John still doesn’t answer and is looking at his paper and not at Sally.
Sally went into the kitchen. She came back out with a pan of water. She dumped it on John’s head. “How’s that for some sunshine!” she said.
“You bitch! What did you do that for?” exclaimed John.
“You won’t answer me you little tramp!” replied Sally.
John shook himself off and went into the bedroom to change and remove his clothes. He came back out and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
“Are you taking a shower to soak your head again?” Sally shouted from outside the hallway.
“I just got home from work,” replied John.
“Oh,” said Sally.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” screamed John from the bathroom.
“What’s going on, John? Did you forget your rubber ducky?” asked Sally.
“That’s a good one, Sally,” replied John. “There is no f-cking hot water!”
Later, John got dressed and left the house. He decided he needed some fresh air from all the drama. He hopped on his moped and rode off. He came back in the house later still ticked off. He slammed the door behind him coming into the house.
“What’s wrong, John,” asked Sally. “Did you get a speeding ticket riding your little paddle bike?”
“No,” said John.
Sally then taunted John. “Johnny got a speeding ticket driving his little bicycle. He got a speeding ticket. Poor, Johnny.”
“Knock it off, Sally,” said John.
“Well, what about it?” asked Sally. Are you going to get rid of the Moped or not?”
“I’ll live my life and you live yours,” said John.
“Okay,” replied Sally. “So I guess that means that you’ll be eating only spaghetti and meatballs for the next six months to pay for this newest fetish of yours.”