First date at a Restaurant

Angelo”s Surf Restaurant is located by the Bay in downtown Miami. It’s a favorite of tourist and has reasonable price entree’s.

Fred and Karen arrive at the restaurant for their dinner reservations. They get seated at their table with a beautiful view of the coast, marina, and  streaming lights from the dock make it all a romantic evening under the full moon.

“Why are you interested in me.” Karen says.

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

“Because your handsome and you can probably get any girl to sleep with you”.

“So what, I find you attractive.” Fred said.

“Your annoying me with this conversation”, Karen says.

“It’s our first date, a meaningful one at that.” Fred says.

pause in conversation

“Do you know how to dance?”  Karen said.

“Yes.” Fred says.

“I love to dance” Karen says.

“I would love to take you dancing after dinner.” Fred says.

“Before we go any further tonight you need to know that I have a roommate.” Karen says.

“So what, I hope it isn’t Josie”, Fred said.

“That’s enough of your smart remark.” Karen says. “It isn’t Josie.”

“Why are you grinning?” Karen said

Thinking to herself,

“Lucky me” Karen says “He grinned”

“You grinned too” Fred said.

“I want the waitress to come take our order!” Karen says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Responses to First date at a Restaurant

  1. Had a lot of trouble following the dialog. It sounded like, at the start, they were a ciuple who knew each other better. Then, he asks for her cell phone number. How did he arrange this “first?” date, if he didn’t have her number? She then says “yes”, which should have ended with a period, then gone on to ask the question she asked, which made no sense to me. Why not ask the reason for wanting her cell number, before saying yes; that would make sense given his asking for it earlier. And so it goes… The whole scene seems disjointed somehow. Read it aloud to yourself and see if it flows well for you. Then, edit, if you think it’s needed.

    • sciulloj says:

      Thank you, I am not sure if you read the lesson 1 beginning of the story or began reading with lesson 4. I welcome comments and will make adjustment if necessary to that part of the story. I think now that a lot of writing is formal conversation instead of what’s happening in a scene.

  2. merlej09@gmail.com says:

    I agree with the above comment. It is rather puzzling. If he wants her number how did she come out on a date with him. Who is Josie? The whole piece did not flow. I think brandyancoffee’s advice is helpful. Read the whole piece and see.

    • sciulloj says:

      Thank you, it might be easier to cut and paste the whole story together from lesson 1. I am still getting use to WordPress. I welcome comments and will make adjustments to lesson 4. I believe this course is a learning process.

  3. freckles says:

    Sorry to disappoint 🙁 But, I too found this hard to read. It didn’t flow, and using Fred said and Karen said, all of the time puts the reader off. You need to add to it. Try something like this instead:

    “So what,” he wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I find you very attractive.”

    Karen rolled her eyes, “You’re annoying me with this conversation.”

    Fred ran his fingers through his hair, “We” it is our first date and a meaningful one at that.”

    NOW… In writing you don’t write ‘pause in conversation.’ You have to write it as if it’s part of the story. Something like this : Karen, picked up her glass and took a long sip, struggling to think of something to talk about, while Fred, pushed his green peas around on his plate.

    “Do you know how to dance?” Karen said.

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